Romance scams: If your heart is open to love
According to the Federal Trade Commission, last year, nearly 70,000 people reported being a victim of a romance scam, with total losses hitting at least $1.3 billion dollars. The median reported loss was $4,000. These are only the numbers that have been reported. If you are in a position to connect with people online, you need to be aware of the signs that someone is trying to scam you.
Romance Scams, or Sweetheart Scams, are a particular type of scam, or fraud, that are becoming increasingly common. These scams involve a stranger approaching you online and establishing a close connection very quickly. They use fake pictures and made-up backstories in order to make you interested in them; they seem very real and engaging. These individuals may engage in ‘love-bombing’, where you are showered with love and flattery, the relationship moves quickly – you may be told that they love you within a matter of weeks, and soon after they may refer to as their spouse even when you aren’t legally married.
They know who to target: people who desire close connection with others. And who doesn’t? This is a natural human need and is never a bad or wrong feeling. They are effusive in their praise and are always there to cheer you up. They claim they are in love with you. Why wouldn’t someone lean in to a person like that? But this is a tactic, and is based in lies. The scammer knows exactly what to say to get you to trust them. After you trust them, then they can ask for money. So, how do you spot a romance scam, and how do you know if somebody you are talking to online is a real person?
Red Flags:
Eventually, they will start asking for money. Small amounts at first, and for seemingly honest reasons. Have you heard any of these from an internet friend before?
I or someone close to me is sick or hurt and needs medical attention; can you send me money for the hospital/medicine?
I or someone close to me is in jail for no fault of their own; can you send me money for bail?
I am in the military/on an oil rig/at a construction job and my money is being held by the government/in a foreign bank; can you send me money for food/etc.?
My child, who has special needs, could use some money for school; can you send me money for them?
I need help with a business venture or delivery that will promise a big payout; can you send me money? You’ll get twice as much back!
I’ve come in to money/gold/an inheritance/won a lottery but I need to pay customs/insurance/etc.; can you send me money to help get my riches out? I’ll share!
I want to fly out and see you; can you send me money for a plane ticket?
I sent you something in the mail but you have to pay a customs/insurance fee for it.
I have a sure way to double, no, triple your money if you invest in crypto with me! Just deposit your money into this website.
These are very common lies that scammers tell their victims, who have already come to trust them. You may believe that your new friend or love interest is sincere, but are they only after your money?
Scammers are always hesitant to meet in person. They are often hesitant to talk with you on a phone or video call. They make excuses like:
I’m sick or homebound with Covid
I have a thick accent and you won’t be able to understand me
My phone doesn’t have minutes
I have a military phone it can’t do calls
I don’t like video calls and why can’t you respect that?
This is because they are not who they say they are, where they say they are, or what they say they are. They are a predator.
Another red flag is that when asking for money, a scammer will ask for untraceable or unregulated money transfers. These include:
gift cards
money orders
cryptocurrency, like Bitcoin, Ethereum, or others
cash transfer apps like Cash App, Zelle, or Venmo
Cash money
What all these types have in common is that once you send money, it’s not traceable or recoverable. This is why cash transfer apps warn you to only send money to family and friends, and gift cards warn you to treat this card like cash.
Another red flag is someone asking you to deposit a check for them. If a person you have never met sends you a check and asks you to deposit it, perhaps to send a little back to them, this is a very common scam tactic. The check will bounce eventually and you’ll be left in trouble with your bank. Money launderers also use bad checks, which can implicate you in illegal activity. If you engage in this practice, banks may elect to permanently close your account.
Another red flag is to look for odd uses of language and grammar. Because many of these sweetheart scammers live overseas and English is not their first language, they will use poor grammar and slang that native English speakers will not use. ‘Kindly do the needful’ is not a normal way to ask for a favor.
If your sweetheart claims to be someone important or even famous, they are using the common tactic of impersonating. Scammers, if they adopt another person’s identity, will do their research. They’ll find out where the celebrity or important person they are pretending to be lives, what their children’s names are, what events are happening in their lives so they can casually bring that up in your conversation. If you, because of a natural disbelief that you are chatting with a celebrity or high ranking military official, research these facts yourself, you’ll find them to be true. But if you found this out, anybody in the world could. That’s the power of the internet.
Fighting Back:
If anything you’ve read before is setting off alarm bells, there are some avenues to try to see if you or someone you care about might be the target of one of these sweetheart scams. One of the easiest ways to tell if someone is trying to scam you is to use reverse image search. There are many ways to reverse image search, but this video from PC Mag explains it well.
If the reverse image search shows that the image has been uploaded to the internet before, you can bet that the image is stolen.
Use this for selfies or other images that you are sent. Scammers send stock images from the internet and claim them as their own in order to lend legitimacy to what they are saying (‘I bought you this iPhone!/this car!’). They are banking on the fact that older adults were not raised with computers, so often do not understand everything the internet can do. But older adults are increasingly more tech savvy.
If you have been scammed in this way, the first thing to do is to realize that it is not your fault, and you are not alone. You may feel embarrassed or ashamed that you have fell for the scammer’s lies, but they knew exactly what to say to make you trust them. This is their full-time job. They are experts at psychological manipulation and knowing just what to say or do to make you react in the ways they want. Victims are often unaware of the fact that they are being scammed. And those who have started to believe it may be too embarrassed to report the scam to anyone.
Summary:
In order to protect yourself, you must realize that there are people out there that do not have your best intentions at heart, or actively want to harm you for their own gain. Go slow. When someone contacts you out of the blue, assume first that they are trying to scam you. Look for inconsistencies in their stories. Be mindful of love-bombing. Trust your gut; many victims have reported that they felt uncomfortable about many situations but ignored it. Do not give out your personal information to anyone you do not know, and never give your financial information to anyone but close friends and family (even then, be careful!) Do not send money to people you have never met. Do not send money to people you have never met. (That one is especially important so I said it twice.) And make sure you tell someone you trust about your new relationship with your online friend. Sometimes, when we’re too caught up in the dream of what could be, we lose perspective. Your loved one, your actual loved one, can spot some of the red flags that you were intentionally steered away from. If you are not currently looking for connections online, check on your older family and friends, especially those not familiar with the internet, and especially if they may be suffering from loneliness. Raise awareness by sharing this blog post to your social media pages.
Finally, it is important to remember that there is nothing wrong with looking for love. Just be careful with your heart. Be careful with your wallet. And do not send money to people you have never met.
